Life has never been so boring I guess.
I don’t know what is happening to me. Just feel so bored and tired.
Strange. The first thought occurs in my mind every morning when I wake up during the last several weeks is that “I want to stay at home”.
I am even willing to ask for some days off.
I’m so bad aint I? There are still many people outside who is unemployment… I have a quite good job in a good office, my colleagues are nice to me and everything feels so right. And now I’m so bored!!!
As I wrote some days ago, I really feel this place is not for me. I love research work and I only wanna be a law researcher. oh wait… do I ONLY wanna be a law researcher?
I really don’t know what I wanna be the most. Perhaps I wanna be truly “release” from this so-called “life”… people is living just to die one day, finally!

Just set my status on Yahoo Messenger: 'Sleepless, Friendless, Loveless, Trustless, Painless..."

Totally mixed up again... i am shivering...
why am I always so touched with gay theme movies?
but this Summer Storm is a must-see. Everything happened just very naturally and dramatically, and made us FEEL, and made us THINK, and overwhelmed us!

Just love the movie! The music, the light, the scenery, the landscapes, and especially the precious performance of the main actor! Very convincing, very match with everything, very touching and deep!

Thank you, dear Bianca, for introducing this movie to me. It now becomes one of my favs

God, I don't know why you send me here, perhaps it was because of my own wish in which I told you that I wanted to be in a place like this... If that is the case then I do regret so much now. God, if this is not my fate, not my final station, then please quickly send me to the place that I should be, the place that is my fate... I am NOT belong to this place at all! God please help!

I don't exactly know what I am doing at the moment. There is only one thing I know so well: I went to the wrong place.
This is completely not where I want to be.

Today I went to the gym again after 2 years of hibernation. The teacher and the staff still remembered me and ask me why I stopped exercising there for so long... Everything is still the same... nothing changed except we are all 2 years older...
I could still endure the exercise for about 40 mins... what a surprise! I thought I could only stand that exhauting exercise for 30 mins... 2 years ago I am one of the girls who had the most beautiful movements in that gym...
I bought a set of gym clothes. I will change again... I had dreams again, and I wanna get them fulfilled, I know that!
So let start from today, with 40 mins at gym and a new set of clothes

(about 1 hour later)

My Dearest Leslie,
January 01, 1997, HK came back to Mainland...
December 31, 1996, you held your 97 Live Concert... and celebrate the first moment of the New Year onstage with audience...
You chose to express your patriotism in your unique way... You are the Unique, my Dearest Leslie.
Where was I at the moment?????

***
Just watched some scenes from his 97 Live Concert and now I'm feeling so mixed up again. Excited, sad... everything...
I wish I could finished my website about Leslie as soon as possible! This is perhaps the most wanted dream that I want to fulfil at the moment...

Surprisingly, Simba didn't overreact as before when he saw Leslie's wallpaper in my desktop ... he even didn't change it while working with my PC as he used to do... even the news that I will build a website for Leslie didn't make him angry or jealous as before. He only showed a bit of irritation but that expression was soon over... That's nice I think... Perhaps he had learnt how to put his belief in me or I am succesful in making him realize that Leslie can do no harm for him, at least physically ^^, or just because he tried to get used to the fact that Leslie now became a part of my life, or just because he tried to forget and didn't wanna mention that??? ... Whatever! But that made me feel relax and pleasant! I think that's nice anyway! Men should always be patient and tolerant with women, shouldn't they?

However, if LeslieNet get finished, Simba will receive a big thank from me for his great contribution in building this website! As I wrote days ago, my PC is now too old to run new softwares like Photoshop or Dream Weaver, it always get suspended when Flash is running too, and I worried about it very much, not only because it causes so many troubles for me, but also LeslieNet building might get delayed.... Therefore, I asked Simba to get it repaired for me, but instead of bringing it to the shop to check, he told me that he will buy a new PC for me by saving his perdiem from his business....

But if I make a thank-list, the first one I will send my thank to, unfortunately, is not Simba, but a girl. She is Bianca, webmaster of www.leslie-cheung.de.... because she is the first one stirred up the thought that I should/could build another website for Leslie in Vietnamese... that was my first "real" encounter to her when I wrote my thoughts about Leslie in Leslie's Pillow and Bianca wrote back some long heartfelt paragraphs... When I read her post at that time, I had the thought of building a website for Leslie already, but at that time that kind of stuff is too new and complicated to me (even now it still is) so I didn't give much thought to it.... But after reading Bianca's post, I thought: "Why not? I should/could make it. I had some friends who were IT engineer, why don't I try to approach them to ask for their help?"... from then on, building a website for Leslie is something burning in my mind.... from the moment I received the flame that was given by Bianca...

Okay I need to go to bed now. Too late again and I will always be late at work... grrr!!!

It's really annoying... my PC keeps suspended everytime I start Photoshop or Dream weaver... Time is running out while I still have so much work to get done... sigh! Building a website without any basic knowledge of HTML.. will I be successful?

Today Mom saw the Leslie stickers Bianca gave me on Valentine's Day, and she said that I should not be too childish like that, with idols and posters and such... I kept silence, and smiled at myself... I really look like that kind of teen ain't I? Mom and people around me will never understand why the hell a girl at my age still pays attention to what they call "castles in the air"... they are simply not in the same "channel" with me I think... and I will not argue because you simply can't hope a purely Chinese speaking man would understand English... Everyone has his/her own interests and well, building an website about Leslie Cheung is my greatest interest at the moment But there are still many people who are in the same Leslie Channel with me and I know they would understand what I thought and what I did...

I will not make a long speech in florid style about why I like Leslie Cheung that much... there are many reasons but in fact there are no reason at all... it's just that when I looked inside myself, I realized that he, by his OWN life, taught me to be more responsible with MYSELF, with my DREAMS, my OWN desire and passion, that I should live for them and try to get them fulfilled. I deeply appreciate that lesson, and I will take it for the rest of my life!

Well, should I come back with Photoshop and Dream Weaver now? I don't know if my poor old PC would be automatically suspended again or not... I don't remember how many times I have to restart my PC because of that. But I will try anyway, and I hope Leslie will show me the way, as he always does to me when his DVDs were available again in Vietnamese market.

Some more lines about my friend... today I talked with M.A again and I had so much laughing chatting with her. She still stays the same... We have grew older but I still recognize the lovely and naughty girl some years ago in her... That is nice! She will engage next month, and I wish Happiness and Smile will always be with her! I really do!

Here is one of Leslie's pic. It feels so nice to see him with Bingo... I always love dogs and I was so glad to know Leslie has the same idea with me... And can you guess his age when this pic was taken? You can never be right, I'm so sure about that